Resolve

A fresh start.  An opportunity.  Your year.  A time to start over.  Resolutions. Commitments.  A clean slate.  A new you. #Goals

It’s New Year’s Eve, the time that everyone decides how they plan to make the next year better than the last one, what we’ll do to improve ourselves or our lives.  And then of course, we post our resolutions on social media and then promptly forget about them until the next year when they pop up in our facebook memories and we remember that we didn’t actually accomplish that thing we said we would.

I’ve typically made it my habit to reflect on how God has blessed me in the past year, making it a point not to anticipate such blessings in the coming year because – face it, I know my track record for failure and disaster. I don’t do resolutions.  I don’t trust myself enough to keep them.  I know God is and will be working in my life, but I wouldn’t dare broadcast what I think that should look like.  I know from past experience I’m always wrong about that. God is not a fan of my plans or letting me know too far in advance about the divine plans. And that’s perfectly fine with me.  I’ve found contentment in the uncertainty.

This year, I’m in a different place in life.  Like trying a new food for the first time, I’m feeling the texture on my tongue, tasting all the unfamiliar flavors, deciding which parts I like best and what I could maybe do without.  It’s equal parts exciting and terrifying, looking forward to new challenges and new adventures.  As I look back on the past few years and how God has been working in me and making me more of what God made me to be, more brave, more adventurous, more willing to jump in where the Holy Spirit leads, I know without a doubt that this year will be radically different.  It’s with a tinge of sadness that I leave behind the safe and controlled life that I’ve grown comfortable with.  I might get scared.  I might want to run back to hide under the blankets in the bed I’ve made full of fear and timidity.  But someone once said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing you’ve always done and expecting different results.  I need some different results this year.  I need to leave behind the insanity this year. So it’s time to do some things differently.

So I guess for me that means I should trust myself enough to make some resolutions.

I resolve to: 

Write more. My dad told me last week, “You have a gift.  You need to be using it.”  He’s got a point.

Let go of toxic relationships.  With grace for myself and them.  Understanding that doesn’t mean I hate them or that they’re bad people.  But there comes a time to recognize when relationships have been killing you inside.  This is that time.

Ask for help when I know I need it.  I’ve been trying to pull myself up by my bootstraps for far too long.  All it ever gets me is covered in mud.  God has given me a beautiful village of people to lift me up and encourage me, and it’s time I start letting them do that.

I’ll ring in the new year the way I usually do – alone on my couch because I’m the only one still awake in my house.  But it’s with new purpose and determination that I pray for myself and you that the God Story would be revealed in us in 2018.

 

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